I don't fucking know anymore. I've been turning back into the "other" me. Emotionless, zombie-like state. I went to see P tonight. I basically told him I just wanted to fuck. With every encounter, it turns even more one-sided and I don't know what the fuck possesses me to be okay with this? I'm not a fucking idiot, and I know when someone is going for personal gain, yet I still do it? Well, this time right after we fucked I put my clothes back on and left right after. No cuddling. It made it kind of easier for me. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore....
A lot of people ask me.. am I afraid of death..
Hell yeah I'm afraid of death
I don't want to die yet
A lot of people think.. that I worship the devil..
that I do all types of.. retarded shit
Look, I can't change the way I think
And I can't change the way I am
But if I offended you? Good
Cause I still don't give a fuck
I'm zonin off of one joint, stoppin a limo
Hopped in the window, shoppin a demo at gunpoint
A lyricist without a clue, what year is this?
Fuck a needle, here's a sword, bodypierce with this
Livin amuk, never givin a fuck
Gimme the keys I'm drunk, and I've never driven a truck
But I smoke dope in a cab
I'll stab you with the sharpest knife I can grab
Come back the next week and re-open your scab (YEAH!)
A killer instinct runs in the blood
Emptyin full clips and buryin guns in the mud
I've calmed down now -- I was heavy once into drugs
I could walk around straight for two months with a buzz
My brain's gone, my soul's worn and my spirit is torn
The rest of my body's still bein operated on
I'm ducked the fuck down while I'm writin this rhyme
Cause I'm probably gonna get struck with lightnin this time
For all the weed that I've smoked - yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too!
To all the friends I used to have - yo I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can KISS MY ASS
For all the drugs that I've done - yo I'm still gon' do
To all the people I've offended - yeah fuck you too!
For everytime I reminisce - yo I miss my past
But I still don't give a fuck, y'all can KISS MY ASS!!
I walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you
And cut you so fast when your blood spilled it was still blue
I'll hang you til you dangle and chain you with both ankles
And pull you apart from both angles
I wanna crush your skull til your brains leaks out of your veins
And bust open like broken water mains
So tell Saddam not to bother with makin another bomb
Cause I'm crushin the whole world in my palm
Got your girl on my arm and I'm armed with a firearm
So big my entire arm is a giant firebomb
Buy your mom a shirt with a Slim Shady iron-on
And the pants to match ("Here momma try em on")
I get imaginative with a mouth full of adjectives,
a brain full of adverbs, and a box full of laxatives
(Shittin on rappers) Causin hospital accidents
God help me before I commit some irresponsible acts again
I wanted an album so rugged nobody could touch it
Spend a million a track and went over my budget (Ohh shit!)
Now how in the fuck am I supposed to get out of debt?
I can't rap anymore - I just murdered the alphabet
Drug sickness got me doin some bugged twitches
I'm withdrawn from crack so bad my blood itches
I don't rap to get the women - fuck bitches
Give me a fat slut that cooks and does dishes
Never ran with a click - I'm a posse
Kamikaze, strappin a motherfuckin bomb across me
From the second I was born, my momma lost me
I'm a cross between Manson, Esham and Ozzy
I don't know why the fuck I'm here in the first place
My worst day on this earth was my first birthday
Retarded? What did that nurse say? Brain damage?
Fuck, I was born during a earthquakehow you doin?:  depressed |
I finally brought my laptop to work today. I don't think I could've made it through the day without it. I walked in today a bit on the gloomy side and kind of sat quietly for the first half hour just preparing myself mentally for the day ahead. I find myself doing that a lot lately - having to get "mentally prepared" to do my job. I feel like if I'm not prepared to go into battle, I will fail. Horribly. Something along the lines of having a meltdown really.
WIth each day that passes here, I take note the actions and habits of my fellow co-workers and see how being stuck in a fairly confined office setting takes a toll on one's mental health. As such, the results are typical. One starts to form a type of cabin fever, or dementia. Seriously. You start talking to yourself, and conjuring up random events that aren't realistic and murmur illogical sentences. If you've ever worked in a call center with little to no supervision, you'd know it gets hairy.
So with that said... we've decided (well, mostly I decided but everyone unanimously agreed) to start a YouTube series that consists of a day in the life here. It'll just be random bullshit that I'd upload every so often and see where it goes.
I need another cup of coffee...er.. something. |
so here it is... friday evening and i'm home blogging once again. i kind of don't mind being home tonight. i'm still tired and sort of re cooperating from last night. right after work i really didn't want to come home and just needed to go somewhere.. anywhere. i really hate this anxiety feeling, and the constant thoughts. so i ended up at kemoo's. butter's ended up hanging out with me there most of the night and i made it my mission to get fucked up so i didn't have to think anymore. with that said.. mission succeeded. i actually had fun. i ended up hanging out with a bunch of the artists/workers from tatcave. after the bar closed, we took the "after party" into the office there where we had a burn sesh. hmm..needless to say i was totally blitzed and alot of stuff is kind of blurry.
i get a call from my dad saying he needs a tow because his truck crapped out in the middle of the road in our complex here and i'm trying to talk on the phone like i'm not just totally fucked out of my mind. i eventually make a few calls.. most of the conversation i dont remember to random people at like dark thirty. i eventually get ahold of Jeff and he comes to the rescue. yeah, he always does it.. its pretty funny. anyway, he hooks up my dads truck and we head off to kaneohe to drop the piece of shit off. i ride with him all the way there, still drunk and stoned and of course we end up fooling around going there. couldn't keep our hands off each other type shit while he tries to control the tow truck without crashing into shit while my head is burried in his lap blowing him off. haha. we backed off for a bit while he dropped the truck.. and he immediately speeds up the H3.. anticipation is too much .. so he pulls off at a run-away truck ramp. perfect spot really.. it's dark, no cameras.. and who the hell is gonna stop there really? we end up fucking right there on the side of the freeway.. passenger side door is wide open, im hanging off the bench-chair and he's just straight fucking me while cars are passing by. not really sure if anyone might've seen but i didnt care... haha. just another night of my life.. sigh..how you doin?:  bored my jam: michael jackson - bad |
Ok, so the list has since grown a bit (fuck you! dont judge me, monkey!) but.. I like to finish what I start. Usually ;)
Jeff - You're my co-worker and we still hang out together almost on a weekly basis. It's been what.. like 4 years now? Your girlfriend is either naive, or just really stupid because she hasn't figured it out yet. Isn't it crazy how she can sit 2 feet from me and not know? You're having problems with her now and apparently I'm a pawn in your little game of chess to fill your voids (yeah, I'm not stupid) but you're still my friend at the end of the day and that's all that matters.
Josh - I had a strange attraction to your accent. You were from Egypt and that just totally made me melt. You were a driver from the person aboves' company, and you were only here for a brief time but it was strange, yet semi-romantic how shit went down (when I wasn't inebriated) but when it finally did.. I was a bit intoxicated but still fun. I guess.
Monkey Man - Yeah, I can't remember your name. You were always at the bar we frequented and every time we ended up fooling around. Alcohol makes you do strange things...you being the strange.
Gabe - I'm not quite sure why things went down the way it did. You were a friend of a friend, of a coworker? I ended up at your house drinking a couple times, you started taking pics of your dick, and.. we got drunk and had sex in my truck.
JP - I never actually intended on having sex with you. You were actually sleeping with my friend before this all happened (even though she says she's cool with it, some part of me still believes she is jealous). I can't remember all the details of what exactly happened.. but you ended up bringing me into the room while she was in the living room waiting for us to finish.
Shawn - Just another young buck who was lacking experience and I felt the need to broaden your horizons. We met at that bar. Twice.
Jeremy - Yeah, you were a strange one. You were flirting with both my friend and I that night at the bar. You came back to my place, and we did what we did. While she watched. Kinda. Hah.
Brian - I'm trying to remember who you are LOL. You're on my list.. hmm...TBA
George (Cuba) - Wow. You were fun. It was 4th of July and we were pretty shit-faced. I was about to leave and you walked out to the road where I was walking to my car. From what I remember.. we started to ravish each other right there, I took you back to my place, and you went completely animal on me. The way I like it. I actually had marks from uh.. the roughness.
Braddah - Alright so I can't remember your name. Although I did until the next day came. You and your two other friends were at the bar and we ended up talking to you guys. I don't remember the conversation but you guys all ended up coming back to my hotel room where we had a somewhat of a four-some. You were the only one I actually had sex with though. You were very respectful and such a good sport I appreciated it. I saw you at Circuit City when they were closing with whom I think may have been your girlfriend but I wasn't going to hang around to find out. I did the duck and dive.
Kekoa - You're one sexy bitch. I wanted to jump on your dick since I first saw you. No, it wasn't beer goggles..you're cute and have an awesome body. Didn't think you'd be into bigger women.. guess I was wrong. Amazing.
Andrew - I'm not sure what I was thinking when I invited you over. Bordem takes it's toll on me I guess. It didn't seem like you knew what you were doing. Oh well.
Nick - Nick, Nick, Nick.. why can't I remember you. LOL next...
Snatchie - Wasn't supposed to happen. I was totally drunk and you knew it. Punk.
Hussein - OMG.. haha me and my Egyptians. Fucking-Aye.
David - Brain fart... once again.
Eddie - That night was funny as shit. It was all fun and games and platonic until it involved Tequila. We mostly talked shit to each other until I pretty much grabbed you and dragged you into my room. You know I rocked your world.
Ivan - You're the only local guy I've been with in some time now. You're young and naive, and never been with a girl with such experience and you like it. I wonder when's the next time you're going to randomly text me.
Ambrose and his friend J - You were a birthday present from my friend that night. I've never met such two eager beavers. I had just gotten home from work.. you and your friends were already at the house. I walked upstairs to jump into the shower and you and him came barging in asking if I wanted you guys to join in. Can you say give me a min? Turned out to be a really fun birthday. Thanks
Dan - We were actually going to meet you for my friend but it turns out you were in my bed by the end of the night. You knew what you were doing and it was a fun few hours in bed.
Lance - Marine. Yum. Hung. It was initially with you and Jon but, I was more into you than him. I didn't even want him to join in but oh well. You definitely need more experience buddy.
E.J - E.J.. I'll remember you eventually.
P - Words can't even explain how I feel about you. This is ridiculous. I'm still waiting for a copy of the vid baby ;)
Randy - Total random fuck who sucked horribly in bed. Sorry homie.
Patrick - Holy fuck another black hole. Update: Ok, I just remembered who you are. You came over with your friend on some random night and we drank until about 6am that day. You seemed like a bitter dude.. but I took that with a grain of salt and decided you needed to get laid. It was fun watching you dance on the pole, btw.
Danny - Ok dude, you were a bit not well. We met at the bar and you couldn't take your hands off me. We slept together like twice over two days and you definitely had weird habits and some kind of psychological problem.
Mark - You said you wanted a bigger woman experience so I was game. You definitely had some sexy arms and I told you that while you fucked me.
Mike and Jesse (I like em in 2's apparently) - it was 4th of July again. Same bar. You were cute and convenient. Dude, I really hope you deleted that picture.
Eddy - I could tell you were prowling. You finally stopped and starting talking your shit. You thought I couldn't handle but boy did I shock the shit out of you.how you doin?:  mischievous my jam: Swag Surfin |
| » My how things have changed since... |
|---|
I almost completely forgot about this blog and that it still existed. Looking back on previous entries.. I realized a lot has happened since then and because I have an exorbitant amount of time on my hands as of late, I've decided I'd write a little about life since. Let's start with the reason why I have the time (and energy) to do this. My best friend, and partner and crime has since moved to Memphis as an attempt to start a real life for herself. I guess there's a time where all good things must end and I've never been a believer that good things last forever, but of the opposite in fact. All things will come to an end. Period.
I am currently living back at home Ewa Beach after an almost 2-year hiatus of living on my own, and experiencing life. After having my own place out in Maili, shortly after I moved in with Anita one road over as soon as her "other half" got deployed. Her "marriage" was an absolute disaster and full of delusional hopes. Note to self: never get married. So after living out in Maili with her for a few months, she decided she wanted to move once again which brought us to Barbers Pt. It was such an awesome townhouse setup, newly remodeled, central AC, and just US. We did what we wanted, WHO we wanted, and when we wanted. Everything seemed okay, except financial issues took a toll on things and her divorce was coming up.. whatever. Anyway, after a brief period of visiting her Mom in Memphis, she tells me she wants to move away from Hawaii as an attempt to better her life where it's not so expensive. I love you, dude.. and you do what you gotta do. Although, it sucks hardcore you aren't here to go out drinking with me right now.
That, in a nutshell has brought me to where I am right now. Back home. I've come to realize that the past few years of my life was just one big ball of cloud. Experiencing new things, and having a good time. I essentially have lost contact with most of my friends from my past.. with the exception of the few that call me up once in a while to see what I'm up to. Although I love them all to death, I immerse myself with work a good part of the week - volunteering to work 6 days a week (yeah, wtf?). I'm still sleepless at night. I can't get over my thoughts that flow through my mind constantly and the only way to stop it is to sleep.
Now, with that said.. I guess I should write about why I'm losing sleep (it's not the complete reason but it does have something to do with it obviously, because I'm about to write about it). A few months ago, I did my normal peruse around a classifieds website.. and I don't know what possesses me to reply a personals ad. I've done it before, it wasn't my first time but anyway, I end up meeting this guy... let's call him P for anonymity purposes. He comes over and hangs out awhile and one thing leads to another in the bedroom. In the beginning all we did was lay there in each other's arms and just cuddle and it just felt so amazing to me that I didn't even want to move (and we didn't for a few hours). So one thing leads to another and we eventually did end up having sex. I won't go into the timeline of events that lead up to now but of course we still see each other occasionally when we see fit but what's really getting to me is that I seemed to have spawned emotions for him. Now, for anyone that has known me (or knows me), knows that I'm not exactly the emotional type. Not since I broke up with my Ex which was quite some years ago now. I'm not sure exactly why I have fallen for him (and it has nothing to do with sex - trust me) but I find myself thinking about him constantly. I think he's totally my type but I can't ever figure out what he's thinking. I'm 80% sure it's just a physical thing for him... but I feel like there's something more. I really have no fucking idea and I don't want to scare him off by being too direct. For my own emotional sake, I'd rather just KNOW what he wants that way I can keep the physical, physical. I can handle that. As of right now, I'm debating if I should just grow the balls, take the plunge and tell him - leave the ball in his court figuratively speaking - and just stop talking to him. I'm going to stop here and hopefully shit will unravel itself.
Aug. 10th, 2009 @ 10:54 pm
|
| » some kinda weird insight |
|---|
So I'm watching a show on National Geographic about bear attacks. Apparently, the changing atmosphere and weather are affecting the animals to where there are now a high rate of bear attacks. So I'm thinking not only are we polluting ourselves and spiraling toward an inevitable cease to all human life, but, we now have to worry about the animals going hungry and killing us all.
Talk about double whammy.
Oct. 26th, 2008 @ 09:44 pm
|
| » The list |
|---|
I thought I'd write an entry entirely on the list of men I've had relations with. Since I constantly think about them and some still have regular communication with, I figured why not list what I'm thinking. Yes, the list is a bit long but it clearly outlines the dark areas of my life and I don't care.
B - You were my first. My first everything. My first love and then my first heartache. I've learned alot and have come a long way since we decided to be apart close to 4 years now. We were together for almost 5 years and I've come to realize I was in an emotional turmoil throughout most of our relationship. You have set the path that I now walk down everyday today.
K - You are an ex coworker. I think we've known each other for close to 6 years now and it's been an inconsistant relationship by far. I always think back to when we met and how I thought you were an asshole and never did like you. One day we started to talk on a regular basis online and then that one day happened when you picked me up, we drove around aimlessly, and had witty innuendo-filled conversation, then we went to your place and had sex. I was timid and unsure of what was happening and at the time I felt I wasn't even sure if I should have done what we did. I have so many mixed emotions about you yet we still have this odd and weird chemistry on a different level I find myself wondering about. We still talk nearly everyday, yet I feel somethings have changed. We've only had sex that one time and I wish I could go back and change the whole way shit went down. You're married now and I know things may not ever be the same but one day I hope to get that second chance to make it what it should have been.
G - You were the start of a revolution. I really had no intentions of sleeping with you. I really can't explain what lead up to that night in the hotel room where we had sex for hours but the outcome with definately not what I had expected. You rocked my world for an asian dude lol.
J - You were a pawn. The night turned into a "little more than half way" 3some with my friend and made the experience to be an overrated one.
A - I met you at Oceans and I couldn't keep my eyes off you that night. Yes you were hot. My friend and I started chatting with you (I can't remember what was said) but you took us back to your hotel room where my friend fell asleep and we proceeded to have sex. Loved the stamina.
C - I was apart of your curious experience. You told me you've been wanting to be with a bigger woman and wondered what it would be like. We met at the bar and went into Waikiki where you got a room for us and I fulfilled your fantasy. In the morning you were gone but thanks for the extended night stay you probably saw on your credit card bill you didn't know about.
Vegas 1 (Mr. Argentinian) - For the life of me I can't remember your name. What happens in Vegas really does stay there. I knew your name the whole trip until the moment I stepped on the plane and I seemed to have instantly forget what it was. I met you at The Beach where I got drunk, gained liquid courage and convinced you to come back to my room. Most of it was blurry but it was fun.
Vegas 2 - Just another white boy who I met walking down the strip in a drunken stuper. The details are blurry but what I do remember is I had water lodged in my ear for most of this trip and while we were having sex you kept asking me weird ass fucking questions and one of them were if I had ever watched 2 guys having sex. GTFO. Also can't remember your name.
J - We have a pretty interesting FWB relationship. Although I seem to not have any real emotional connection with you, we definately have meshing sexual energy. We've had some incredible nights when you were here just having dinner, a beer, then taking our desires to your bedroom. There were times I felt you were questioning your emotions and feelings for me with all the questions. Then one day I found out you got married (but you told me and I always knew you had a girlfriend which was fine by me) and had a kid on the way and felt you needed to hide it. Sometimes I think you're confused and you're the type of person that always needs a change and likes the rush and on the edge of getting caught.
B - I had fun that night you towed me home. I blame myself for being flirty due to my intoxication but you and I know that you wanted it. I'm not quite sure why you pulled over in the middle of the ride back... you asked me why I was looking at you like "that". Blurred details on the rest of the conversation except the bit where I said that you didn't care about me or something to that effect but you said you did. I don't really care. We got back to the house and we had sex on the floor. I don't remember what it was that you were asking me... if it was "how was i" or "am i big enough for you" or some shit. Can we say.. insecure?
I've got about half way through the list and no longer feel like typing so I guess I'll finish this another day.
Sep. 29th, 2008 @ 10:53 pm
|
| » wowzers batman |
|---|
well here i am... high as fuck.. listening to magic dance.
magic dance.. magic dance..
magic jump... magic jump.
Aug. 16th, 2008 @ 01:15 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Nothing annoys me more than a knotted up slinky!
Jul. 21st, 2008 @ 07:06 pm
|
| » annoying.. |
|---|
theres been alot of things that annoy me lately. one in particular is when someone calls or texts you and ask if you want to go out and do something. you agree, but ask where they had in mind and their response is "i don't know, think of something". how did your fucking idea turn into my obligation? why ask someone if they wanna go out if you dont know where the fuck you wanna go and then tell you to think of something. obviously, this is a sign of someone who CANT FUCKIN THINK FOR THEMSELVES issue. its a fuckin epidemic.
below is a pic of my area in my office where i've displayed a sign of LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
if you've seen this movie, you'd agree.
Jul. 4th, 2008 @ 07:13 pm
|
| » essence of evil |
|---|
that's what it should be called. i can't call it karma cuz well, i don't believe in it. what i think i've managed to do is accumulated so much negativity in my life that it's now bouncing back to bite me in the ass. most days i feel more dead than alive. nothing to live for. i don't even know why i continue to go on..
Jun. 26th, 2008 @ 12:58 am
|
| » all i can say is... |
|---|
I have really fuckin lame blogs. I just realized this. No pics, vids, or any lame shit like that haha. Oh well, its my blog and I don't care so you shouldn't either. It seems I can never get my thoughts straight enough to write blogs consistantly.. I kind of just randomly post one every once in a blue moon.
So reflecting back on some of the shit that's been going on in my life I'll start by saying that having my own place has it's pro's and con's. Most of the con part is being stuck at home bored alot of the time. Besides that, I find myself constantly cleaning shit around here and I don't even know why. I basically live by myself and it's a pain in the ass to clean after myself. Am I that fucking anal? Apparently. There are alot of pro's however. I have privacy, do whatever the fuck I want.. (*do* who i want.. haha j/k) and umm.. hmm.. I guess that's it. Aside from this, other things that've been going on... hmm.. got rid of my truck and got a more cost-efficient POS sedan that I'll probably run into a whole bunch of problems with sooner or later (hopefully later) but atleast it's mines.
Finally finished a mix I was working on with a friend and only took hmmm 6 months? hah! It's an hour long non-stop 80's mix. It's fucking awesome so is my friend who did pretty much everything.
Been doing alot of gaming lately on the 42' Sony Bravia. I think I've accumulated the most gaming systems ever. Playstation, Xbox, Gamecube so far. So I've been tweeking out on Halo 2, Unreal, and a few back in the day old school games like Galaga, Paperboy and shit just to occupy my mind and shit cuz my mind will start to wander into the unknown if I become unproductive... much like what's going on right now ironically.
I've also been reflecting on personal relationships of the past and present. Trying to get a grip on my surroundings and how everyone in my life affects me, my choices, and general outlook of life. I know, it's a bit off in the deep end. Maybe one day I'll get around to sit here and outline the idea in detail but as of right now I don't feel like it.
May. 21st, 2008 @ 12:06 am
|
| » frosted flakes anyone? |
|---|
I realize that I'm a pretty flaky person. If I haven't flaked out on you at one point or another, consider yourself lucky. Not only lucky, but I really must like you. haha. Anyway, I find myself telling people one thing and then not actually doing them. I really do try to keep my word though..and I have good intentions, really. But I guess I'm too much of a free-spirited person that I do what I please and live for the moment. I hate restricting myself.
I'm not sure why I decided to write about this but I have alot of stuff going on in life right now. I'm in a transition to making my life better, and trying to become a happier person. I've sinced moved out of my parents place and now live alone in a house out in Maili. So far I love it and I'm thinking a little clearer and feel like a better person. I decided it was time to leave and this is what had to be done.
I've also met a few new people that came into my life. I'm not really sure where it's headed but as our relationship progresses I'll be sure to write about it. Until then.. living for the moment.
Mar. 5th, 2008 @ 05:12 pm
|
| » reflection |
|---|
ok lets see.. a quick reflection on last year..
drunken stuper nights... and got arrested.... did stupid shit i didnt really wanna do.. and pissing people off and hurting people amuses me. what the hell is wrong with me?
Jan. 2nd, 2008 @ 01:18 am
|
| » signs |
|---|
Nov. 18th, 2007 @ 09:07 pm
|
| » Spinning... |
|---|
Listen
I'm sitting looking out the window like damn
Tryna fix this situation that's at hand
You still running through my mind when I'm knowing that you shouldn't be,
Me all on yo mind and I'm knowing that it couldn't be
Cause you ain't call and I ain't even appalled
I still got allot of pain I ain't dealt wit it all
I been running round with other chicks, I'm single and they loving it, I'm liking it but I just want the one that I was in love with.
That's not the end of it, I'm tryna let you know I can't,
Get a grip of it is what I'm tryna let you know.
You got a hold or some kind of control of me
I don't know what it is, but I gotta get you gone from me
I'm working at it and it ain't getting no better just tryna be like, yeah, forget it, whatever Instead
of staring out this glass looking at this bad weather, damn I gotta pull myself together
Cause...
When I'm with somebody, all I think bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smiling faces in my sidekick,
Outta town visits, all the time we spent together makes it hard
to get you outta my system.
You know what you do to me (do to me)
You don't even understand (damn)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
It's so hard to get you outta my system.
I'm too attached, my heart won't let me fall back
I got it bad, that's what you can call that (ah)
When I see you in the streets, that's the worse for me
Used to love the little things you did, that's what works for me
It's too major, don't see you on my pager,
Know what you doing, where you at, or can I see you later? (Can I see you later?)
The fellas telling me 'just let her go Bow', believe me, I'm trying man, I just don't know how
(Just don't know how)
I be in all the top spots, leaving with the hot shots, knowing they just want me cause I'm in the top spot
That's not poppin and my brain aint stopping, thinking
Who she with, or where she going, is she club hoppin?
I never had this kind of problem in my life, this is my first time dealing with this kind of fight
It's every night and every flight and every time you in my sight,
Damn this aint even right, cause...
When I'm with somebody, all I think bout is you (yeaa)
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do (yeaaaa)
I miss the smiling faces in my sidekick,
Outta town visits, all the time we spent together makes it hard
to get you outta my system. (ohhh)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
You don't even understand (damn)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
It's so hard to get you outta my system.
Is it wrong for me to feel this way, you been running through my mind all day
Can you feel me?
I been tryna get you off my mind, but I cant after all this time
That's what kills me
Is it wrong for me to feel this way, you been running through my mind all day
Can you feel me?
I been tryna get you off my mind, but I cant after all this time
And it kills me
When I'm with somebody, all I think bout is you
When I'm all alone, that's all I wanna do
I miss the smiling faces in my sidekick,
Outta town visits, all the time we spent together makes it hard
to get you outta my system. (Hard to get you outtt)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
You don't even understand (damn)
You know what you do to me (do to me)
So hard to get you outta my system
I remember everything that me and you talked about
Me and you had our whole lives planned out together (oh ohh oh ohh)
And if I could, I would, turn back the hands of time and correct all my mistakes that I ever did
But now I guess I gotta move on, right?
It's still hard and I still love you till this day
Peace.
Oct. 29th, 2007 @ 01:37 am
|
| » irony.. |
|---|
The Atheist
Nor thou, Habib, nor I are glad,
when rosy limbs and sweat entwine;
But rapture drowns the sense and self,
the wine the drawer of the wine,
And Him that planted first the grape-
o podex, in thy vault there dwells
A charm to make the member mad,
And shake the marrow of the spine.
O member, in thy stubborn strenght
a power avails on podex-sense
To boil the blood in breast and brain;
shudder the nreves incarnadine!
From me thou drawest pearly drink -
and in its pourings both are drunk.
The Iman drives forth the drunken man
from out the marble prayer-shrine.
Blue Mushtari strove with red Mirrikh
which should be master of the night-
But where is Mushtari, where Mirrikh
when in the sky the sun doth shine?
Now El Qahar to Hazif gives
the worship unto poets due : -
But songs are nought and Music all;
what poet music may define?
Allah's the atheist! he owns
no Allah. Sneer, thou dullard churl!
The Sufi worships not, but drinks,
being himself the all-divine.
Come, my Habib, the roses blush,
the waters gleam, the bulbul sings -
To pierce thy podex El Quahar's
urgent and and imminent design!
- Aleister Crowley
Is it irony that at 1:30am I'm browsing the internet, and come across a documentary on a fellow named Aleister Crowley and research his poetry and am overcomed by the immense feeling of epiphany? Things seems to be coming together in it's own way. The poem speaks to me.
Sep. 26th, 2007 @ 01:33 am
|
| » quarky moments.. |
|---|
the best thing about having a small group of friends is that even though it's a small group, you spend more time with them with anyone else and in the process you tend to become really close. what else i like about this is that at any given moment (like when you're sitting at a table having a conversation and you do something out of the norm or something weird happens and look at each other like wtf just happened) these funny, quarky moments are yours. just a moment between you and your friend. it's how you can tell that this person was put into your life for a reason. i'm glad.
...and while on the subject of moments, i think music is a good example to placing a moment in time. when i listen to a song i can tie the music to a place and time into my life. usually the past of course. but it ties into how i feel at the moment or how i've felt and even a combination of time and emotion. that sounds kind of crazy actually. hah. anyway, i'm very eclectic when it comes to my taste in music. in fact, i pretty much listen to just about anything. i think you can tell alot by who a person is in their taste in music. don't really have the energy to outline the details of my theory but, if you're smart you'd know what i'm talking about. :)
Aug. 25th, 2007 @ 12:30 am
|
| » i suck at this.... |
|---|
another sleepless night. up all night, thoughts racing. this is fucking annoying.. the thoughts.. fliping, changing all the time. most of it really isn't about anything in particular just freakish random thoughts, unexplainable. wish there was a mechanism to implant in your brain to jot down your thoughts which are then stored in a hard drive somewhere and u could refer back to it and see how crazy you really are. hah. i just thought of that while i was getting a drink of water. unexplainable. so many things i want to say but can't. my mind won't let me. almost like i'm trapped in my own mind.
anyway, just some shit that irritates me. fake people. shit talkers. people who can't think for themselves. people who need to be involved to validate themselves. hypocriates. i try to understand the underlying meaning and purpose to these people. boggles the mind. the woman species has the validation problem. they have a need to be involved to be validated. wtf? party animals when they're single, promiscuous. once involved, shunned away, hidden, homebodies. turns into a hypocriate claiming promiscuity is bad, "slutty". fuckin retards, kill yourself.
men species. never satisfied. false happiness. involved but fuck with others.
cant think anymore
Aug. 22nd, 2007 @ 04:00 am
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
zays's journal
tired
